Love Save The Empty
by Jazzmatazz30
Summary: The war left both of them empty in a lot of ways. Can love really save them?...set before the epilogue of Mockingjay
1. Chapter 1

**This is my take on what happened between Mockingjay and the Epilogue. Enjoy!**

**-Jazz**

**_Just putting it out there that I do not own Hunger Games or the characters. Suzanne Collins is a G, it was all her._**

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><p>Peeta had told himself he wasn't going to do this. He was supposed to only come to Katniss's house for dinner, make polite conversation, and go back to his home where he could where he could be alone and safe. Everything was going fine until he made the mistake of looking into her eyes. She thought of them as a dull grey, but he thought they looked more like deep silver. When she was really determined there would be a spark in her eyes and it was almost as if diamonds were lighting up the room. Maybe if he had seen those eyes he would have finished eating, walked home, and gone to sleep to face the nightmares and suffering alone. He barely even saw her eyes because he couldn't ignore the dark purple circles around them indicating that she hadn't been sleeping either. She looked tired and frustrated and and like she was barely holding on. She was simply amusing the rest of the dinner guests by eating and chiming in to the conversation every now and then. He couldn't bear to see her like that because the Katniss he knew and loved never gave up. Peeta had spent 17 years making doing whatever he could to protect her, so that's why instead of going home after dinner he had lingered to talk to her.<p>

Greasy Sae had gone home early that night to give them some privacy. He knew then that Katniss must be in bad shape because she didn't usually give a rat's ass about anyone's privacy. With zombie like motions Peeta watched as she attempted to clear the table silently and wash the dishes. He wasn't going to try to start small talk, because she wasn't that kind of girl. She'd talk if she had something to say. For a while they stayed content with the silence, her washing and him drying. He glanced over at her one more time, but now he saw the faintest smile dance across her lips for a split second.

"What's so funny?" he asked, not expecting a response.

"After all we've been through, here we are washing dishes and being all domestic." He laughed, because now that she'd mentioned it this was the most normal activity they'd ever done together.

"Star-crossed lovers from District 12 washing their own dishes…what would the people think." He said with mock horror. She sighed in response and he knew that their moment was over. There was no way to keep going without bring up things neither of them are ready to talk about. She had been washing the same dish for 5 minutes when he decided they were done. She was barely even paying attention when he grabbed the plate from her hand and began to carry her to her bed. The fact that she didn't protest at all to being carried when she had two perfectly good legs was proof of how tired she was. When he got to her bedroom, he laid her down and pulled off her shoes and socks before tucking the covers tightly around her body. When he moved towards the door he noticed that her eyes were still open nd she was staring emotionlessly at the wall.

He decided that just this once he would hold her until she fell asleep. He kicked off his own shoes and socks and shoes he climbed into the bed and wrapped her in his arms as tight as he could. Once he had settled in she let out a sigh of relief and whispered a 'Thank you' so softly that he might have missed if he'd been breathing louder. She drifted off to sleep almost instantly and he was glad that he could help her get some rest, even if he was breaking his rule of keeping his distance. He tried to untangle himself from her as softly as he could, but she woke with a start and looked confused. Once she had gotten her bearings she sunk down into the covers wearing a look of guilt.

"Where are you going?" she asked, trying too hard tosound disinterested.

"I was going to go back to my place for the night." He tried again to get up but her tiny hand grabbed onto his wrist with a vice-like grip, and she whispered the words he never thought he'd hear again.

"Stay with me."

That was all he needed to hear and he was putty in her hands. The next morning when they woke up it was amazing the difference you could see in her from just 9 ½ hours of sleep. When they woke up, they just stared at each other until it was time for him to go to the site where the Bakery used to be and she usually went to the woods. This continued on and on for a whole year. He would come over for dinner, stay the night, and they would spend their mornings together holding hands and just relaxing. Over time they had grown from staring to talking and the morning when he kissed her again he was shocked that she kissed him back with fervor and urgency. She was still guarded and careful, but he was growing attached to their time together and had managed to keep the flashbacks to a minimum, or fight through them silently.

They were the worst in the mornings. He always woke up before her and sometimes he couldn't remember how he had gotten there or what she was doing so close to him. Sometimes he thought it was some kind of trick on her part to distract him and kill him and he would have to sneak to the bathroom to get control of it. Other times he could at least hold back until he was on his way to the bakery, when he could duck off behind a building or into an alley way and fight through. He had been managing until this moment.

He was having a flashback so strong that it was making his entire body shiver and convulse involuntarily. He wanted to move and get away from Katniss but his muscles had locked up and wouldn't allow him to let go of her. He tried breathing to keep out the shiny images. He saw her in the cave during the Hunger Games telling Cato the best way to wound him without killing him, he saw her pretending to care about him, and he saw her planning to trick him into eating the berries to win so she could win the Games and he would die. He knew in is heart that it wasn't real but his brain had him furious beyond relief. That was the worst part about the side effects of the hijacking; not the images themselves, but the pain caused by the conflicting feelings that would boil up inside of him, each fighting for his attention. He was close to insanity when he heard a soft, soothing voice calling his name.

"Peeta." It called. He had no idea what that voice was but it reminded him of home. It was gentler than the voices he would hear in his flashbacks. It was real. He allowed himself to open his eyes and saw Katniss looking him dead in the eye and whispering his name. She had that determined spark in her eye. "Peeta, come back to me. It's Katniss." She began massaging his jerking arms lightly but firmly so as to not disturb his skin grafts. She began kissing the spots she had just finished massaging and humming a light tune. Her voice singing did it. _That_ was real. No Capitol tracker jacker venom images could replace or imitate the sound of her voice. In an instant the shaking slowed and the room stop throwing images at him.

She had done it. After a year and a half or so of therapy and pills and mind numbing flashbacks, she was the one that was able to calm him down. The very thing that the Capital had wanted him to turn against so badly was the thing he needed to heal.

"Katniss?"

"Shh, Peeta. Go to sleep, everything's ok." She said, still massaging his sore muscles. The lull of sleep took over and he was dreaming in no time but even in his dreams he couldn't deny what he was feeling right now. He loved Katniss. Nobody could change that.

Two years later, at the ripe age of 20, Peeta couldn't take it anymore. He and Katniss had now moved in together and every day he loved her more than the last. She had even told him she loved him too and it was like they were living in some kind of fantasy world. They spent all of their time together almost and had come a long way since their first dinner after the war. She had returned to her olive skin tone and he could no longer see bones protruding from her skin. She laughed and smiled more than she stared and brooded. She had even learned to bake bread, and would come with him to his little shop sometimes. They were together and it was wonderful and Peeta thought that was enough, but it wasn't. He wanted the whole world to know they were together, not just Haymitch and a few of the people from District 12. He wanted to be with her forever because almost all the time wasn't enough. He wanted to marry Katniss. He was going to ask her today. No ring, because that might freak her out. He was just going to ask.

When he got home from the bakery that day he noticed that it was spotless and there was the smell of food in the air. When he walked into the dining room he saw that dinner had been made and put on the table and Katniss was sitting there looking nervous as ever.

"What's all this?" he asked.

"I have a speech."

"A speech?" he asked with a smirk. She was so cute and unpredictable and he couldn't help but laugh when she tried so hard to keep up her indifference act. He sat down and took a sip of wine, just in case this speech wasn't going to be in his favor.

"Yes, a speech. I worked on it all day."

"Alright then, I'm all ears."

"I love you and I know that for some reason you love me back. That's what kept me going those days after the war; the fact that you loved me so much."

"Katniss," he said cutting her off, but she held up a finger and continued.

"I know I can be difficult and…cold, but it's only because I'm unsure of the unknown. No one had really loved me before you. That was all new territory and I didn't want to mess it up. Then I realized I've been messing up all along anyway. If it wasn't for me, we could have been this happy a long time ago and I feel like I took that from you. We wasted so much time and I don't want to waste anymore, so I want to marry you." He wasn't sure if he'd heard correctly. She wanted to marry him? He was about to get all mushy until he remembered that was the very thing he had intended to asked her anyway.

"You're proposing to me?" he teased and she rolled her eyes.

"No. I'm telling you that I want to marry you. You are free to do what you wish with that information." He couldn't stop the idiotic smile from taking over his face as her ran to her and hugged her tightly. They kissed until neither could breathe and then looked each other in the eye like they used to.

"I was going to ask you to marry me tonight Katniss Everdeen. You stole my thunder."

"Aw, poor Peeta wasn't the one with the touching speech today." She teased. "Did you get a ring?" she asked with a smirk almost as good as his.

"Nope."

"Peeta! You were going to ask me to marry you without a ring?"

"Would you have a worn a big, expensive, shiny ring with diamonds?" he asked, knowing she hated that kind of stuff. He laughed at the look on her face after he was done describing the ring.

"I love you Peeta Mellark."

"I love you too Katniss Everdeen."

"Katniss Mellark." She corrected. Peeta didn't know if it was humanly possible to be as happy as he was, but the two of them deserved a little happy. They were going to be married; everything was perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hope you guys liked the first chapter! This ones a little more depressing (sorry), but things get better!**

**-Jazz**

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><p><strong><em>3 years later<em>**

Katniss lay in the hospital bed curled up in the state of misery she'd wallowed in for the past four days. It had been three days of staring at the window of the District 12 Hospital. She could see the train tracks from here and she didn't want to miss it when the train came back and he would be here. These three days had been the worst of her life, and she'd had a pretty rough go of things if you consider everything that had happened five years back with the Hunger Games and the rebellion. If she thought that was bad, she didn't know what to call what had happened now. Peeta had to make a trip to the Capitol to check on some equipment coming in for the new Bakery and even though he had stressed that he could put it off until later, she figured he needed to get it done sooner rather than later. Plus, what could possibly happen in four days? Unfortunately Peeta didn't agree and had called Gale to babysit, but Katniss had made him promise to keep his distance. Her drunkard best friend wasn't going to be any more help than Buttercup if there was an emergency.

She knew sleeping without her husband and best friend would be hard, but she hadn't expected the return of the nightmares. She hadn't expected to see all the faces and of the loved ones she lost and have to relive moments that she'd wished had never happened. They were even worse than the ones she used to have after the Quarter Quell and she knew nothing was going to make it better but Peeta. She could have called him, but she didn't want him worrying and rushing down here; then he'd just have to go back again and this trip would have been a waste. She wished she'd called and made him ruin his trip, because telling him she was having nightmares was nothing compared to whatever phone call he'd gotten from Haymitch or the doctors or whoever had called him. On her second night alone, she'd had a weird feeling before she went to bed and assuming it to be just a small stomachache, she fell asleep without thinking much about it. It wasn't until her nightmare that she knew something was wrong.

She was back in the 74th Hunger Games arena running through the forest and trying to get away from something. She didn't know what she was running from, but it was not important compared to the obstacles being thrown her way. Gigantic rocks kept falling from the sky and she couldn't look back at her pursuer without being crushed by one. It wasn't until one of the red, dripping rocks almost caught her foot that she realized they weren't rocks at all. She narrowly missed being hit by Rue's bloody corpse before having to jump over a mangled Finnick. She continued to run and ducked quickly to avoid colliding with a limp Madge. There were bodies falling everywhere and she couldn't escape them. She wanted to stop and help, but she had to keep going to get away from the thing she was running from.

Katniss' energy was wearing thin and she wasn't going to be able to keep going much longer. She tried to push herself forward, but the sight of a lifeless Prim made her lose her focus and trip on Thresh's arm. Her attacker laughed cynically as he caught up to where she was struggling to stand. She almost had it, until she turned around and came face to face with Peeta, cold and dead lying next to her. Upon seeing his face she knew it was the end. There was no need to run or fight anymore, without Peeta, it was over. She turned over onto her back and looked into the eyes of her attacker right as he lifted a spear. The smell of sickly sweet roses and blood filled her nose and President Snow plunged the spear into her stomach while laughing.

She didn't know how long she layed in the bed grasping for air before she felt something was wrong. Her stomach was experiencing an amount of pain she had never imagined possible, as if she had actually been stabbed by President Snow. She put her hand to her stomach instinctively and was at a loss for words when she pulled up her hand and came away with blood. She threw the covers away aggressively and found that she was sitting in a pool of blood so large she could have fainted. This couldn't be happening. She wanted to call Peeta, but she didn't want to worry him and it's not like he could get all the way here from the Capital anyway, so she threw on some slippers and ran to Haymitch's, where Gale was staying. He had obviously been in a sleepy or drunken state before answereing the door, but seeing her half-naked, sopping in her own blood, sobered him up quickly. She only had time to stumble into his arms before passing out into complete blackness.

The next thing she knew, she was waking up in the Hospital feeling completely empty. No one had told her in so many words but the feeling of emptiness was unmistakable. She didn't speak to any of the doctors or Gale or Haymitch or Delly or her mother and she wasn't going to. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She didn't want confirmation of whatever happened because deep down she already knew. She didn't want to hear people say it was going to be ok or any of that, she just wanted to stare out of the window and wait for the train. Part of her just didn't know what to say, and the other part was afraid that if she opened her mouth she'd start crying, and she didn't want to cry in front of all these people. She's not even sure if actual words would come out.

When Katniss saw the train pulling into the station she almost let go of the miserable calm she had created for herself in this hospital bed. She used the little strength she had left to grip onto the handles of the bed and willed herself to breathe Breathing was easy and it was calming to count the shallow breaths as she inhaled and exhaled. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. She could only think of one thing easier than breathing, and that was to just stop. She inhaled and let as much air fill her lungs as possible. The pressure of holding her breath was almost more calming, because she could feel her heart beating in her chest It would be so easy to stop breathing, but she couldn't. She still had District 12, and the small family that they had formed there. She still had the woods, and the calm of hunting. She still had her days of lollygagging in the bakery and she still had the boy with the bread. She didn't have much, but she had Peeta.

When she heard the familiar sound of her husband's approach, it felt like her heart was shrinking and exploding at the same time. He closed the blinds of the window that had been her sanctity and pulled a chair over to the bed so that they were at eye level. His eyes held so much love and concern and sadness and for some reason relief. Maybe he hadn't heard what happened. She was still sad, but him being here made her smile a little, because she loved him and she knew her smile made him comforted. She was the one that had just possibly suffered a tragedy and she was trying to comfort him. It was the least she could do before speaking for the first time in days.

"Hi." She said timidly, not able to really find her voice at first.

"Hi."

"You're here. Real or not real?" she asked.

"Real. I'm here." He said before kissing her forehead and brushing a strand of her wily hair behind her ear.

"We're still having a baby. Real or not real?" she whispered. He didn't have to answer her. She could tell by the way his shoulders slumped with sadness.

"It was a boy." Katniss never cried because she was stubborn and wanted people to think she was strong and didn't know how to put her feelings into any emotion other than aggressiveness. Peeta never cried because he was generally a happy and content person that actually was strong. He didn't cry because he never gave up on anything and there was always a glimmer of hope in his eyes so when a tear escaped from his eye, any kind of composure she had sustained over the last few days went away like a fleeting thought. Tears that had been built up for years came flooding out of her eyes and she couldn't control it. She cried more than she every cried in her life as Peeta joined her on the bed and wrapped her up so tightly that she could barely breathe. For the first time they cried together and she felt like an idiot for letting him go to the Capitol. It was obvious that she needed him so badly that it hurt, and for that, she felt selfish. Peeta was always the one giving. Giving bread, giving protection, giving love, giving support; he loved her in a way that made her feel like the most perfect girl in the world and she of all people didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry Peeta, I'm so so sorry." She mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked confused. She didn't know if he really didn't know why or if he was just trying to make her feel better.

"I don't know how this happened, what did I do wrong? Our baby, Peeta. Our baby is gone."

"Shh Katniss, it's ok." He cooed, but she couldn't calm down. She had to get this out.

"You do so much for me and I feel like I don't do anything in return. You loved me all of your life, even when I ignored you and messed with your feelings and you hold me when I have nightmares and make me happy. I wanted this baby for us, for you. I wanted this for you and I- Peeta, I'm so sorry you deserve more than this." She cried.

"Katniss, don't be ridiculous-"

"No! You deserve a normal girl that hasn't put you through so much and can love you the right way. All I do is hurt you and I can't take it anymore. You deserve some pretty girl-"

"Katniss Mellark, you still, after all these years, don't know the effect you have on me."

"I do know, I just don't understand it." She said as the tears started to subside.

"I love you. Always have, always will. You've done nothing wrong and if anyone should be sorry it's me, for not making you feel secure after all of these years. I don't want a pretty girl Katniss, because I'm in love with a beautiful woman. You don't think you help me, but I need you so much it hurts. You do something for me that's so amazing I can't even put it into words. You love me. Real or not real?"

"Absolutely real." She answered without hesitation. After hearing her response his eyes lit back up and he kissed her nose softly.

"That's what you do for me. That's all I need Katniss; we'll get through this."


End file.
